As my first real blog post it’s a bit intense, but I can’t lie, going through this actually made me want to start blogging to help others, and to just have a place to be open! That being said, this is probably (hopefully) the hardest thing I’m going to have to post! I’m ready to talk about the #SilentStruggle…..I’m not looking for sympathy just want to share my story because it’s unreal how common this is and that women have to go through it alone. Especially women like me who NEED to talk and vent about pretty much anything. This thanksgiving I was so grateful and full of thanks (fitting lol) because I, we were PREGNANT!! YAY! I was 7 weeks. We had heard our precious little nuggets heartbeat, we were figuring out how we were going to set up this baby’s room, and planning our big Christmas announcement! Lina becoming a big sister was the most exciting part of this all!
With Lina my pregnancy was picture perfect, when I say perfect I mean per-fect! No morning sickness, no weird cravings, ate only healthy foods, worked out 6 days a weeks gaining only 10-15 lbs in total, and I had a full-time job as a hairdresser (on my feet for 8 hours). I felt my BEST when I was pregnant (weird I know!). So when I found out I was pregnant again I was so excited to go through the 9 months again! On thanksgiving, this all took a turn.
Back story.. My husband and I had been going through a lot of unnecessary drama and stress with some people close to us, me being a pretty sensitive person and VERY protective of my husbands emotions (what wife isn’t, yes he is a man and can handle himself but man or not he needs to be supported and comforted. As he does for me as well.) I was always thinking of these issues and really stressing myself out wishing things would be different, wondering how could people act in such heartless ways?! Always making sure my husband felt ok with how everything was playing out. After all we are on each others team and what he wants I want. But you’ve got to remember “You can’t make sense out of nonsense” Wish I was told this quote sooner! Any way you get it, I was super stressed! Back to thanksgiving.
We were getting ready for our first holiday we would not be traveling, just us, and his adorable grandma. My mom and brother came by and spent some time with us it was a great day, but I just felt something was off. That night after everyone left, we went to the ER. Everything seemed fine the baby’s heartbeat was good and we were sent home! They scheduled me for a follow up doctors appointment for that Monday due to the holiday weekend.
That night was awful cramping and bleeding, I knew something was wrong but there was nothing to do but wait. Monday took forever to come and my sweet husband remained hopeful… me not so much. After the weekend of torture, it was finally Monday. We went to the doctor, I knew what we would see on that ultrasound screen. “Oh honey I’m so sorry” were the words I was dreading but expecting to hear and we did. I had miscarried naturally. My uterus was EMPTY. Once filled with a child was nothing. No trace of my second baby. My husband grabbed my hand in comfort but I was just numb. The doctors say it could’ve been stress induced and that’s where I stop listening and fill with furry. Even though I know it may have not been 100% stress’ fault, the validation of it being a factor made my blood boil.
The next few days I was flooded with support from the few that knew and surprisingly some that offered no support or acknowledgement at all which lead me to my biggest realization yet. You need to do what’s is right for you and your family. My husband and I decided to take a break from any negativity going on and just simply be happy. Over all WE as a team are happy and will not allow anyone to make us feel otherwise.
Current time.. we are so excited to try again and make Lina a big sister but it will happen when it’s supposed to and I’m extremely grateful I was blessed with such an incredible daughter and husband!
If anyone reading his has gone, or is going through this, know it’s OK to talk about it. You did nothing to make this happen, the universe works in mysterious ways and there is a reason though we may not see it yet. ALSO, remember to check in on your husbands, they too are mourning a loss. ❤️