First things first, I hope you’ve all had a great holiday, ours was so much fun! Something about a child at Christmas time brings so much magic!
I got a message asking to talk about the whole “mommy shaming” topic and I thought it was such a great idea, let’s be real, how many of us has ever been mommy shamed? 🙋🏻🙋🏼🙋🏽🙋🏾🙋🏿 Its such a common thing!
My first time being mommy shamed (I will never forget it) was when Lina was 3 months old, I had to bring her with me while I went to the doctor. It was supposed to be a quick ultrasound appointment. Key word supposed to. Long story short, the 30 min appointment turned into an hour and a half, with Lina needing to eat every 2 hours (on the DOT) I was so thankful I was nursing so I could just feed her in the car! Yay! I went to the car, pulled one of my ‘girls’ out and boom, My hungry little girl was getting her belly full and the nutrients her fast growing body needed! Then it happened, a woman holding her McDonalds cup, walks up my MY car, looks in MY window and says loud enough for me to hear through the closed car window. “You should be ashamed of yourself. Go do that at home” I swear my blood was boiling. I rolled down my window and said “excuse me?” She repeated her statement. I replied with “I’m feeding my daughter in the privacy of my own car, you don’t see me saying how awful your Mcdonalds you clearly just ate is for you, (while delicious it doesn’t have much nutritional value) so I’d appreciate it if you kept moving on with your day and let me get on with mine.” Her mouth dropped and she rolled her eyes and walked away. I couldn’t help but think who the hell this lady thought she was to shame me on nourishing my daughter!
Of course there have been many more times after this that more shaming has happened and I think it is awful. Wether they shame you for how you discipline, what you feed them, when you feed them certain foods, or if they can play on your iPhone, iPad, etc. it’s still annoying and uncalled for.
“If I did not ask for your opinion, simply don’t give it.”That being said, I do welcome suggestions but there is a place and time for them. IF you know I am against your suggestion and I reassure you I do not want to take your suggestion please leave it at that. You nagging or being rude will NOT change my, or any other moms mind!
I’m convinced people who mommy shame, are doing it for attention or because they’ve made mistakes raising their own children and it makes them feel good and powerful to attack another (usually younger) mom. Similar to a bully.
My friend who suggested this topic said this happened to her while Christmas shopping. CHRISTMAS. SHOPPING. As if that’s not already stressful enough. Although we did not get into the specifics of the incident, let me tell you this, she has 3 kids under 10 while trying to finish Christmas shopping days before Christmas. Shame on the woman who did this to her because instead of shaming her, she could’ve offered a helping hand or simply just let this mom of 3 get on with her day instead of hurting her feelings.
My advice to anyone that gets mommy shamed is to simply IGNORE IT. Don’t let them get to you, that’s exactly why they do it. If you are the type of person that can’t just ignore it then tell them “I appreciate your suggestion but that’s not the way I will parent MY child.”
My advice to any mommy shamers out there, maybe you don’t think you are shaming, you may think you’re offering an opinion, but to be sure ask the person “can I offer just a little advice” in a nice tone this way it will be taken as advice and like I said previously if they say thank you, leave it at that. To the moms who are consciously shaming, if you did not push this baby out of your hoo-ha then keep your mouth shut. If I did not ask, I clearly don’t need your opinion no matter how badly YOU THINK I do.
Let’s all try to come together as mamas and really be there for each other. If you see someone being mommy shamed act as if you are seeing someone being bullied (essentially you are) and stick up for them! Or tell the mom being shamed ” I think you’re doing a great job”
Remember. YOU created this human, only you know what is best for them. ❤️